Cause and Success: How to Reach Agreement (Part One—Asking)

Heather Furby

September 25, 2017

  • Share:    
Hello, September, and welcome back to Cause And Success, helpful tips for women in technology (and beyond) so that you become the only cause of your success.

I had to put on a long-sleeved shirt today because the air is finally crispy cold in the morning. Fall is my favorite time of year. For my team and me, it's a time to take our goals and visions for the next year and turn them into action plans. This process means we have to do much negotiation within our group to reach agreement on priorities and processes, as well as agreeing who will take the lead for each project.

The process leads to much laughter and some heated discussions. We tend to pour all business resources into creating and executing new projects. In other words, emotions can control some conversations if we don't keep our process in check.
I want to share with you the first step of our process to reach an agreement, in hopes that it will help you lead your projects across diverse teams, families, and communities.

The first step to reach an agreement is to ask for what you want. This step is also called making a request. We make requests of others all the time, but all too often we are not effective in stating what we need.

Before you ask for what you want, you have to know what it is that you want. I explained the importance of having your vision in writing or pictures (vision board) in the first article. I suggest you have a written vision for your projects, as well, because if you do not, it's easy to morph the vision based on the strongest opinion in the room.

After you know your starting point and the direction you are headed, it's time to ask for help in getting there. It's important to know you can not achieve your goals alone.

So, how do you get other people's buy-in and help? By making powerful requests.

The process for making a powerful request is quite simple. I'm going to break it down into steps so you can see where your requests are working and where you may need a little practice.

Understanding this process, and then mastering it, will help you in your business projects. This is also the foundation for all of your negotiations and contracts. No matter how skilled you are at getting things done, it's always helpful to have a reminder of how you are enrolling help.

The Process of a Powerful Request (STEAM)

There are five elements to making a powerful request. Just think that this process adds a little STEAM to your requests:
1. Specific
2. Timeline
3. Emotion
4. Ask (about them)
5. Movement (or call to action)

A more in-depth look: Specific—Request one thing at a time. We can get excited when we finally have someone's attention and start to ask for many things at once, but that will backfire. It's hard for a person to answer with a single "Yes" when there are multiple questions. This becomes important when you are negotiating contracts or complex deals, as you will want to hit each negotiating point individually. Get into practice by making daily requests on a single topic.

Timeline—Give a "by when" deadline: "Can you get me the data analysis report by Tuesday at 3:00 p.m.?" "Will you clean your room by Friday at 5:00 p.m.?" Having a deadline will free you up from micromanaging the other person's process, and will also make follow-up easier ("You said you would have that done by 5:00 p.m. and you did not."). I'll cover more on follow-up in next month's article.

Emotion—How will it make me/the team feel? What's possible when this is completed? Emotion gives the context of why you are making the request, and people respond to emotion. We often leave it out of business requests because we think it's too touchy/feely. But if you want someone to take action, let them know how it will make you feel, or put the request in context. If you're asking for something big, like a raise, you'll want to emphasize what you've done to warrant the extra pay; but you can still add in the emotion of how it helps you to feel valued and adds to the longevity of your enthusiasm for the job.

Ask—"What do they need to be able to get this done?" This is a key step that is usually forgotten in a powerful request. It becomes important in your follow-up, like if someone says "Yes" to your request but doesn't get it done (which we'll cover next month). You want to make this question about the person, not about you. What does she need to get the job done? What questions does he have to help you?

Movement (or call to action)—This is where you ask for an answer. When making a request, the answer can be "Yes," "No," or they can start negotiating. Your job here is to ask for an answer.


Usual request—"Will you get me the data analysis report as soon as possible? We're on a tight deadline."

Powerful request—"Will you get me the completed data analysis report by Wednesday at 3:00 p.m.? I want to include it in the final report, which I have to send Thursday because I think it will give the client a better picture of what to expect from the advertisement campaign. Is there anything you need from me to get that done? [Wait for an answer; give them time to think.] Great. So what's your answer?"
Usual request—"Could you please clean your room?"
Powerful request—"Can you have your room clean by 6:00 p.m. on Friday? We are having guests over, and it makes me feel more relaxed when we can show them each room without having to wonder if it's clean. By clean, I mean make the bed, pick up your clothes, and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Do you need anything from me to do that? [Wait for an answer.] Thanks, so can I count on you doing it by Friday at 6:00 p.m.?"

Usual request—"Let's get a time on the calendar to talk about the conference."

Powerful request—"Are you available to meet about the conference marketing timeline? 30 minutes should be enough to run through the timeline, and if we need more time, we can schedule that next week. Does Thursday at 10:15 a.m. work for you? I'll feel more confident in your plan if you show me your timeline, and then I won't have to check in with you daily for an update. What do you need from me before we meet so you feel prepared? [Wait for an answer.] Okay, so 30 minutes on Thursday at 10:15 works for you?"

Summary (STEAM):

Be specific and ask for one thing at a time. It may feel awkward at the beginning, but it will simplify in the long run.

  • Set a timeline for the action.

  • State your emotion or feeling for why this task is important.

  • Ask the person what they need from you to accomplish the task.

Move forward by restating the request and asking for their answer. It is powerful for the receiver of the request to say yes, no, or ask for something else rather than assume they will deliver.

Next month we'll look at how to follow up on your request so that when someone answers yes, but then won’t follow through, you have a plan of action.

Heather Furby, creator of Cause And Success, is a business strategist and innovator in leadership development. She is director of a business leadership summer camp where adults explore and discover new levels of leadership without risking reputation, business progress, or hurting trusted teams. Results of working with Heather are accelerated profits, increased team productivity, faster decision making, and solid communication skills, but more importantly, you have fun on the journey.

Opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily those of WITI.

Become a WITI Member!

Are you interested in boosting your career, personal development, networking, and giving back? If so, WITI is the place for you! Become a WITI Member and receive exclusive access to attend our WITI members-only events, webinars, online coaching circles, find mentorship opportunities (become a mentor; find a mentor), and more!

Become a Member

Member Coaching Circles

There are no WITI online coaching circles scheduled at this time. Please check back soon for updates.

More Coaching Circles

Our Story

Founded in 1989, WITI (Women in Technology International) is committed to empowering innovators, inspiring future generations and building inclusive cultures, worldwide. WITI is redefining the way women and men collaborate to drive innovation and business growth and is helping corporate partners create and foster gender inclusive cultures. A leading authority of women in technology and business, WITI has been advocating and recognizing women's contributions in the industry for more than 30 years.

Read More

The organization delivers leading edge programs and platforms for individuals and companies -- designed to empower professionals, boost competitiveness and cultivate partnerships, globally. WITI’s ecosystem includes more than a million professionals, 60 networks and 300 partners, worldwide.

WITI's Mission

Empower Innovators.
Inspire Future Generations.
Build Inclusive Cultures.

As Part of That Mission WITI Is Committed to

Building Your Network.
Building Your Brand.
Advancing Your Career.